Application Letter To Unilad Magazine

It was a fairly quiet Sunday until this tweet appeared.

Suddenly, I realised that my life could change dramatically. My mates down the pub all say I've got awesome banter. Imagine... just imagine. I could be paid for putting pen to paper my innermost banterous thoughts and even become famous. However, I noticed competition for these enviable writer vacancies has already become fierce, as both Chris Coltrane and Stavvers have sent in applications. How was I ever going to beat such talented writers to the hallowed Unilad Magazine writer's job? Then I worked out how to do it. I'm confident that this is the "killer blow" letter that will destroy all the competition, particularly from Chris and Stavvers.

Here's my application letter to Unilad Magazine. I think the job's in the bag, frankly.