As one of the many things you are asked when creating a profile or writing some type of autobiography, a typically austere and slightly archetypal question one answers is, "Who are your heroes? Who would you most like to meet?". It's one of the questions I got asked as I was creating a MySpace profile yesterday. If one is understandably guarded about the truth of self-projection, I might be tempted to answer Nelson Mandela. I've got his autobiography and it confirms everything about the man that I initally thought; a man of such impossibly high integrity and grace, as well as possessing a formidable intellect. It also bolsters my own self-image, to be associated with such a worthy hero.
However, if I analysed this highly hypothetical scenario of meeting Nelson Mandela, the truth of the matter is that it's a path strewn with so many massive bear-traps as to be unbearable (pun intended). If I met him, how do I introduce myself. "Um, yo, Nelson - I sure dig what you did after you left prison. Who am I? Um, I'm an IT programmer with an unhealthy predilection for rubbish cult TV and my biggest achievement has been keeping my pet fish alive". That's just the start of a potentially disastrous meeting. "Um, what are you up to later, Nelson? Fancy grabbing a few nibbles from Kebab Mahal?".
A far more subtle truth to emerge from this blog entry is one of acute embarrassment. An emotion I seem to suffer more than any other. It's also going to be a common theme to this blog - trust me on this. My next few blog entries will touch on this exceedingly painful truth, all told from different times of my life. It will make it clearer why I've malformed into the pained and closeted individual that my friends scratch their heads at.
It's with all this in mind that I've decided a far more relevant person that I'd like to meet and have a serious conversation with, is this bloke.
He's now also under the "Who I'd like to meet" section on MySpace. Now, that's a far less cringe-making proposition for any hypothetical scenario turned real. For sheer idiocy value, I'd have to ask him what made him appear on national US television and how he now feels being an internet phenomenon and then politely refer him to some of my own red-faced exploits on Youtube's flickering monopoly. Have at him (special note: it's Steve Harvey, the presenter, and his expression of "What the fuck are you doing, pal?" that really makes this clip).
Direct to Youtube here.